dreamweaver says.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 ; 5:43 PM

i'm seriously thinking of pulling out of syf.
1) i can't cope with my studies
2) there is no guarantee just who zaki will choose as the syf dancers until next year. and if i eventually don't get in, all that time and effort will be wasted, which could be put to better use such as studying and relaxing during my rightly deserved HOLIDAY.
3) i don't think i'm good enough to be chosen so instead of wasting time and waiting for him to give me the sack, i should just quit on him first.

call me a quitter. but how would you like to face psychological torment at least twice a week during his lessons in the holidays? torment meaning the ultimate pressure you feel when every milimetre of your movements are being closely scrutinized aka how you keep your thumb and which angle your joint arches. he sees it, he criticises it. and he only says the bad stuffs and doesn't affirm at all. it's basically hell. when standing before him and forced to dance alone with so many people watching and you simply have no idea where exactly went wrong when he doesn't even want to say what and you'll just to have keep doing the same thing until somebody identifies it and tells you the mistake. it can truly be the ultimate breaking point. i'm not obliged to take all this and i can just continue living my days happily and focus my time on what's more important. i know its training and trainings aren't supposed to be smooth-sailing. but to the point of making me dread doing what i like and even to fear it, i don't see why i should continue with all these crap.

but i have to come to terms with it. he's good. and i do want to improve. but all of us gave up so much for dance. at the cost of our results and academic betterment. we put in our best. and i don't think we deserve all this. unless his attitude problem changes for the better, he'll always be that storm in the otherwise utopic dance world.